Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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