end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this beer tastes like vomit already
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
