if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
