There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
