Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am puke
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Randomize
