Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
