is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
