i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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