It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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