hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
