dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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