btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
