Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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