she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
