i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
