Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
