I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
