So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
