24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
