I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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