Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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