i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
