Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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