I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
