Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
