even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
