I just cut my nipple shaving
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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