Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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