Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
