Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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