u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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