do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
how drunk are you?
Several
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
