I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
