He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
