Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
