my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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