I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
