Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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