In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
