when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
