I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
