so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
