if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize