Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
