is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
