I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
