you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
