$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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