Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Farmville is her only friend.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize