I think my fart just growled at me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
