Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
