She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
