I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
