You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
