Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
