Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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