My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
