You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
