dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
