I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
