i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
its liver damage thursday
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
