fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
