The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
