Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
