Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
God I need to hump something, right now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
