you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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