How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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